In August 2010 three Maidenhead United fans were banned from attending home games, by a kangaroo court, for crimes they didn't commit.
These men promptly encountered a jobsworth security blockade, and so escaped to the non-league underground.
Today, still stigmatised by the MUFC Ltd hierarchy, they survive as supporters of fancy.
If you enjoy a train away day - and if you can find them - then maybe you can share a drink with ... the K-team!

Monday, 2 May 2016

Away Day Diary: Weston-super-Mare 2-0 Maidenhead United (23/04/2016)

Fancy Dresslemania XVI



^^^ When you've done as many of these things as the KSG, you appreciate that the keys to a great costume are the accessories. #babycarlos


^^^ The previous Saturday, at Ruislip Manor Wealdstone, Macleod (M) had been asked what time our train was leaving for Weston. "13:02," came the reply, "on Friday". 


^^^ Craig hadn't missed a single opportunity, on social media, to mock my kid-at-Christmas-like sense of anticipation. Within minutes of our departure from Reading, however, he had opened a packet of Tunnock's tea cakes and spilt nearly half a bottle of Brooklyn lager down my leg. Make of that what you will. #overexcited


^^^ Change at Bristol Temple Meads; a Sh!tty 1982 Ltd poster. #rashermailonlinesadface, #UTG


^^^ Yatton.


^^^ Yatton (for Clevedon); ahead of Clevedon Town 1-3 Maidenhead United in March 2007. The good ol' days! ;-)


^^^ Room with a view.




^^^ After a couple of drinks with Rainey and Mrs Rainey, in the hotel bar, we headed to the beach.


^^^ Cold and wet.


^^^ The Pier; about to close.


^^^ First pub stop was the Cabot Court Hotel. This Wetherspoons was much bigger than it looked from the outside ... and much better than Macleod (M)'s facial expression would seemingly indicate!


^^^ Macleod (C) and I were enjoying ourselves, in any case!


^^^ KSG favourite the Old Colonial was next - full and frank discussions re the monarchy, the BBC and Brexit - before we passed the Danny Welbeck Hotel en route to the Pavilion Bar.


^^^ Macleod (C) and I attempted to recreate the above photo of him and my Dad, post Weston-super-Mare 2-2 Maidenhead United in August 2008, without much success. Rugby League was showing in here ... which rather summed things up. Craig checked TripAdvisor and so we headed to the highly-recommended Criterion on nearby Upper Church Road; described on the What Pub? website - accurately, as it turns out - as a 'genuine free house and traditional community pub'. After serving us a couple of rounds of excellent ales, the barman directed us to Vinnie's.


^^^ Karaoke in here. Good fun. Judging by this photo (what's going on with my eyes??), I should've done 'Fade To Grey' in tribute to Steve Strange.


^^^ Craig and Macleod (M) retired - rather sensibly - to the hotel, when Vinnie's closed, whereas Macleod (C) and I headed to the London Inn. Cue the usual tomfoolery.


^^^ Some of us were feeling much better than others, the following morning, which is understandable bearing in mind that not everyone was out until 07:30 am. #notbigorclever


^^^ Costumes on (some more quickly than others), we returned to the Wetherspoons; in glorious sunshine this time.


^^^ Skippy not alone in appreciating Cotleigh's Golden (Seattle) Seahawk.


^^^ We were soon joined by a whole host of other characters; some had travelled by car, others by train. (Thanks to Messrs Leonard, Cox & Smith for the use of these and other photos.)


^^^ Whilst we waited for taxis to the ground, Skippy wasted no time.


^^^ The burgers at Wealdstone, the previous week, had been excellent. These weren't far behind.


^^^ Plenty in fancy dress - and plenty of noise - as, sadly, we attacked the decent end in the first half. A 'Please stop swearing' request was made over the tannoy. You can, I'm sure, imagine the response.


^^^ Match action. Yawn. Two abominable kits.


^^^ Down the rubbish end, second half, although at least it has been covered since my last visit. With other results going their way, the Magpies needed to adopt the spirit of the 1988 Jamaican bobsleigh team in an attempt to reach the promised land of the Vanarama South play-offs.


^^^ This 'Marlow with the flag' missed a blatant, two-handed push on a Maidenhead player, in the Weston box, as he (Dean Inman?) was about to head a cross. Seconds later, the home side were taking the lead through a penalty kick that was awarded.


^^^ Moeen Ali and the rest of the travelling hordes did their best to rouse the team - James and Adam, bottom right, only quiet when sat in the Batmobile (!) - but I think that Maidenhead could still be playing now without having scored in the meantime. I was reminded, in this sense, of Farnborough away in last season's FA Trophy. "They're gonna win this 2-0," predicted Macleod (M) Bruce, as the Magpies lay siege to the home side's goal in search of an equaliser ... just before Weston broke away to double their lead. 2-0 it finished. Disappointing, in truth. Apt, upon reflection, that there was no conga. :-(


^^^ Post match talk, in the clubhouse, was of a great season; of how next year might be even better ("Forget the play-offs, we'll get automatic promotion!"). But I think that many, deep down, realised this had been a golden opportunity squandered. Not even the appearance of a lesser spotted Maidenhead United pennant, or Mike Flowers from Mike Flowers Pops, could raise the spirits (many were tired and/ or sozzled, TBF). Soon enough, as Everton equalised in the FA Cup semi final on TV, only the KSG remained. A smiling John Gregory - former manager of Wanky Wanderers, among others - arrived to present the prizes at Weston's end-of-season do. It was suggested that we take his taxi back into town. We didn't, but only because ours was already on it's way.


^^^ Winston's Fish Bar for dinner. Bruce's first Foster's of the day. Unbelievably. The food was OK, although expensive and the portions were gut-bustingly huge.


^^^ The sun was setting, and the temperature was falling fast, as we headed to 'Port & Stilton' night at the Criterion. With the pub in sight, Bruce and Alan from the Hangover were stopped by a gentleman heading in the opposite direction. "Are you from Maidenhead?" he enquired. It transpired that we were in conversation with Digby; currently resident in North Cornwall, but previously of Cox Green, Maidenhead. He had been at the game and is apparently a regular reader of, and sporadic contributor to, the MUFC Ltd forum. He had heard of Murdo. Unsurprisingly. "I thought Drax did well on a limited budget," said Digby. We stifled laughter and wished him a safe onward journey.


^^^ Eye-catching graffiti, such as this 'Gogo Yubari from Kill Bill' piece, was dotted throughout the town centre. Anything to do with Banky's Dismaland? Perhaps not. Anyway, this photo was taken after we'd left the Criterion; we were in there a while - the locals loved our fancy dress; plenty of photos requested and taken - but I was really struggling with tiredness and had to nurse a pint of shandy. For shame. It was freezing as we made our way along the front towards Vinnie's.


^^^ Craig left for the hotel, but our number remained four as his place was seamlessly taken by Tash. Originally from Knowle, Bristol, she had apparently been stood up by a friend and asked if she could join us. To reply, we'd have had to been able to get a word in edgeways! Tash is not backward in coming forwards; the type of girl who will repeatedly grab you by the b*ll*cks if you don't smile. I smiled. Eventually.


^^^ Another top night in Vinnie's. The 'experienced' DJ - just about visible on the left-hand side of this photo, as Skippy is molested by an employee of Footlocker - played vinyl records using an old school turntable with a telephone handset, rather than headphones, to listen in. His playlist was excellent: 'I Fought The Law', 'Alternative Ulster', 'Another Girl, Another Planet' and the like. We asked for 'Viva Las Vegas', in recognition of Sutton beating Ebbsfleet to the title; he duly obliged and the place went berserk. I'm pleased that news of this gave our friends at Gandermonium a chuckle!


^^^ The bouncer - a nice bloke, whom we christened Fat Doug - asked for this photo to be taken and for it to be immediately Bluetoothed to him. Later on, after another visit to the London Inn, a female bouncer stopped us and asked for a similar photo. She subsequently permitted us free entry - saving us a whopping £2 each - to her club; now Ella's, but previously called Eternity when Macleod (M), Scouse Mick and I were (the only ones) there back in November 2011. Their music was what Macleod (M) would describe as 'housey housey' - and shit housey housey at that - while the clientele were 'interesting'. We didn't stay to the end; Alan from the Hangover was getting a second wind - but Bruce was falling asleep - when we decided to head for the hotel at 03:15 am.


^^^ Back at the Premier Inn; Yosemite Sam's Macleod (C)'s face says it all.


^^^ Macleod (C) and I were up first on the Sunday; we enjoyed a stroll along the beach as the others caught up with their calorie intake. After a round of drinks in a humongous Sports Bar on Regent Street - I had a Coke! - it was time for a leisurely walk to the station (no Supermarket Sweep, for a change, in the Tesco's opposite).

So, another Fancy Dresslemania in the books. The verdict? A good weekend, albeit not a great Fancy Dress. Various factors for this: separate travel plans, poor ground location (ergo no walk of shame, en masse), the performance, the result, the opposition (I like going to Weston, and respect them for consistently punching above their weight, but they need Sean back on the terraces to liven things up), no conga. Furthermore, Fancy Dresslemania is an event that stands alone; it really doesn't need a weekend away. There and back, via London, in a day - à la Dover, Billericay, Bishop's Stortford, Sutton - is, I think, the way to go (if possible). However, as discussed on the train back from Weston, Bath wouldn't be half bad ...


^^^ What about the season as a whole? I think Macleod (M), above, summarises well.

It was great to see - and hear - the Youth (who first came to my attention, I think, during an FA Youth Cup tie at York Road in November 2014) at both Wealdstone and Weston. We've had large groups at York Road before, but they have usually disbanded when full price admission and other distractions (booze, jobs, the opposite sex) present themselves; this lot, touch wood, seem different. I'd love for them to come up with their own chants, as opposed to simply repeating virtually word-for-word what they hear on TV or Twitter or wherever, but that's just me. 

As for the league position, I think some context is required; 'Second highest finish ever' is a bit 'Sky invented football' for me. And while we'd all have taken 'safe from relegation scrap' humdrummery, before the season started, a team containing the likes of Pentney, Peters, Steer, Massey, Inman, Mulley, Comley, Pritchard and Tarpey should be finishing comfortably mid-table, if not upper mid-table (7th place), as par for the course. People were told, under the previous manager, that merely staying up was a 'real achievement' so many times that they actually believed it! They're also shocked to learn that Dev has managed on the same budget as Drax. I'm not. It's just a pity that the powers that be didn't have the moxie to replace Johnson Hippolyte sooner. Hey ho, not unlike the building of the new stand, it's a case of better late than never. Credit where it's due, also, re the freezing of admission prices: St Albans City are proof that not all clubs charge fairly for what is, let us not forget, Division Six football. St Albans City - and Ian Allinson - are also proof that a decent manager, who knows what he's doing, will get you decent results in this league. No problem.

As for the Cup run, well, I'd resigned myself to thinking that Maidenhead United would never in my lifetime play a proper league club in the FA Cup, let alone take one to a televised replay at York Road. Mulley's equaliser at Vale Park was - and likely always will be - THE moment; Massey giving us the lead, down the Bell End, not far behind. That Dev was in charge means he is a legend twice over, having taken us to the promised land of the Isthmian Premier (!) - and won our first trophy in 27 years - during his first spell. Now, I'm not suggesting that he is some kind of demigod, without flaw and beyond reproach (would it have hurt, for example, to have given some of the youngsters a run out in the dead rubber with Concord?). But there's none of this 'it's becoming harder to compete with teams like Basingstoke' guff from him. Far from it. I'm also told he re-iterated, at the end-of-season do last Saturday (£10 to get into Stripes??), that he returned to the club because of the fans. He's said that before, of course, perhaps most notably on BT Sport after we'd lost to Port Vale. 

Put simply: it's great to have him back.

Here's to next season. ('Sign a striker, Devonshire!')

M.U.F.F.


PS. This summer marks the ten-year anniversary of the reformation of MUSA (Maidenhead United Supporters Association). Anything worthwhile planned in celebration??